Card Games

When you see me,
please do not look
for any inspiration;
I have screamed
at God too many times
and stood on the rock
listening to echoes
of “Why?
Why now?”

I am a simple man
who shares his regrets
like passing the gravy
at a big family dinner.
Do not think
that I am brave,
dreams of coffin lids
slamming shut
still keep me from sleeping.

Don’t try to tell me
that I am strong.
Every afternoon I push back
quivers and shakes
while my eyes burn
as I hold off the tears.
I think of endings,
wonder how it will happen
and if the story

of being bathed with peace
when those last few minutes
come to bite us in the ass
is just something we tell the dying
to lessen the screams
and hold off the fear.
I am just a normal guy
looking at his cards
and counting his chips.
Sometimes, all you can do
is take a breath
until they call your bluff.